I was just a hole to fill and to be used in his eyes. Matt had become more and more distant with me and even started ignoring me during the worst of the abuse I was facing. When Matt would walk by, I would feel lower than dirt, my son seeing my exposed, stretched holes made me feel like shit. I would try to plead with him to help me, but he thinks I’m playing some sick game and he isn’t interested in being involved. Occasionally, he will walk in on me during a sexual assault I will stretch my arms out for help, pleading with him, but his eyes avoid watching me be subjugated to being a dog’s fuck toy. I have never felt so alone and terrified in my life. The pregnancy was quick, much quicker than it would have been for a human baby. The day of the delivery arrived much sooner than I thought. It was early morning and I had just got done being raped for the second time that night when sharp, indescribable pain erupted from my lower abdomen. I yelled out loudly, gripping my belly and. Jane nodded. ‘What is she in to?’ ‘She’s an Orioles fan.’ Baseball, now that was a big oh no. I know nothing. Where most kids can reel off the batting averages of every player current and past I struggled knowing the names of which city went with each team. ‘What else?’ ‘She saw the video from Friday night.’ My head jerked up. Jane didn’t falter. ‘She recognised me at the end.’ I now knew how two and two made four. The video showed Jane and Charlie standing at the front of the stage as they screamed, cheered and whooped for joy. ‘When were you thinking of doing this?’ ‘The sooner the better.’ Jane looked at me for several seconds as she waited for an answer. I had to leave to start my shift but assured Jane that I would call her with my answer the following day. Retrieving my bike from the staff bike rack on the south side of the hospital I easily slid on to the saddle and started riding through the parking lot. Thoughts started tumbling through my mind. I wanted to talk things.
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